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(Updated July 13, 2020)

Follow this five-step plan and you, too can “win” a one-year stay on Hawaii with “free room and board.”

First, Pick an island, any island that normally welcomes tourists.

Second, book a flight to and a hotel room on that island.

Third, take the flight.

Fourth, check into the hotel and go to your room.

Fifth, and the most important step: Ignore the mandatory 14-day quarantine, leave your room, get arrested, get fined, go to jail (without passing “Go” and collecting $200) for an entire year.

If you think I’m joking, read on.

Hawaii isn’t the only destination that requires arrivals, whether tourists or residents returning from another place, to self-isolate for two weeks.

But the state’s quarantine rule means you can’t legally leave your hotel room to go to the beach, go to the pool, go to the bar, go to the hotel restaurant, go to a luau, take a hike, take a “flight-seeing” flight, or go anywhere at all (except to obtain medical care).

Yeah, but what are “They” going to do about my flaunting of the quarantine rule assuming that “They” even found out about it?

Not only could “They” arrest you, but “They” have actually been arresting tourists.

“Take a flight to Hawaii, go to jail in ‘Paradise.’”

That’s the bad news.

The somewhat better news is that the authorities might “deport” you on a free flight home rather than stick you in a cell with a “city view” instead of “ocean view.”

The good news is that the 14-day quarantine rule will last a while yet, but not forever.

Hawaii could shelve the rule — currently in effect through June 30 — as soon as July. (Update July 13, 2020: Hawaii Extends 14-day quarantine through August for trans-Pacific travelers.)

So rather than having your name added to the police blotter by flying to Hawaii now, put off that trip to the islands until it’s prudent to go.

And then instead of the police greeting you with handcuffs at the ready, some nice “local” will drape a fragrant, floral lei around your neck.

Aloha and Mahalo for following this advice!

(Tales Told From The Road publisher, Dick Jordan, has been to Hawaii several times and has long-time friends who live on Maui.)

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